3 Dads Walking In Country Walking Magazine
We have been featured in this month’s Country Walking magazine. Nick Hallisey & Tom Bailey caught up with us as we walked along the sea defences east of Boston.
Here’s the piece Nick wrote. Photos are by Tom.
3 Dads with Nick from Country Walking (Photo Tom Bailey)
“Every story we’ve heard has been heart-breaking. But every conversation turns to hope
3 Dads Walking have inspired the nation (and even James Bond) with their 300-mile trek in the cause of suicide pre
At times it has felt like a pilgrimage,” says Andy Airey.
“It’s an emotional journey and it is changing us.”
It’s a bright, blowy autumn morning on the edge of The Wash, a few miles south of Boston in Lincolnshire. Country Walking has joined the 3 Dads Walking on one of the final days of their 300-mile walk from Cumbria to Norfolk, and the trio are on fine form. Even after 13 days of solid striding, they are chatting, joking and joshing; still delighted to be recognised and met by well-wishers, and ready to switch into the important stuff as soon as anyone wants to talk. Which many, many people do.
“We’re sort of aware it’s become a big thing, but we’re only getting fragments of it,” says Mike Palmer. “People keep telling us what a big story it has become, but I think it’ll only hit us when we come to the end and see what’s been happening on the web.”
Their walk stems from unimaginable grief. The three dads – Andy Airey from Cumbria, Mike Palmer from Manchester and Tim Owen from Norfolk – were left devastated when their daughters took their own lives. Andy’s daughter Sophie died in December 2018 at the age of 29. Mike and Tim lost their daughters Beth (17) and Emily (19) in March last year.
The stories are horribly similar. None of their daughters ever gave any hint that they were struggling with suicidal thoughts; none of them ever reached out for help. All three were bright, cheerful and sociable, with supportive families and friends around them. And as the dads point out, their situation is all too common. Suicide is the biggest killer of young people under 35 in the UK, and parents frequently say they never saw it coming. As Mike says candidly, the immediate reaction can be one of anger as well as grief: why did they never ask for help?
Having met through their shared experience, the three decided to do something to try and spare other families the same heartbreak. What emerged was a 300-mile walk over 15 days from Andy’s home in the Eden valley, past Mike’s home in Manchester, to Tim’s home near King’s Lynn. Partly it would raise money for Papyrus, the young suicide prevention charity which has supported all three dads and their families. But more importantly, the aim was to get people talking.
“Talking is how lives are saved,” says Andy.
“Suicide is preventable. As a society, as parents and children, we need to be talking about it, even if you don’t think it affects you.
”If you’re concerned about someone, talk to them. Don’t wait. And if you’re in a dark place, have the courage to say, ‘I need help’. The help will be there, whether it’s from family or friends or on the PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK. The help will always be there.”
A big walk was a natural choice for the project, as all three are keen walkers. Andy was born and raised in the Lake District village of Threlkeld (“I had Blencathra in my back garden”) and worked for many years at the iconic George Fisher gear shop in Keswick. He and Sophie shared a special bond over their love of the fells.
“I couldn’t tell you how many hours Sophie and I spent walking on the hills,” he explains. “It was just what we did, in all winds and all weathers. We loved it.
“I carry a photo in my map bag of her sheltering behind a wall in blizzard conditions on Cross Fell – she was even smiling in that! I don’t even need to look at the photo; I just know she’s with me.”
Along the way they have been met or joined by hundreds of well-wishers. Andy says every conversation has been emotional.
“The people are the most rewarding thing about this walk.
“Every day people come and join us, whether it’s to help or chat or to force-feed us food. And we’ve met a lot of people who have been affected by suicide. It is such a privilege that they have wanted to share their experience.
“Some are very early in their grief and they want to get a feel for how to deal with it over time. The thing you have to say to people is that time is not a great healer. I’ve got a Sophie-shaped hole in my life and I always will. Time doesn’t heal that, but time does allow you to take positive steps.
“Every story is heartbreaking but every conversation turns to hope. What to do now. What to do next. How to help other people. And that’s fantastic.”
The walk itself has presented more than a few challenges. Andy promised his comrades brilliant views on the first few days of the hike through Cumbria, but “the cloud didn’t lift until day three in the Forest of Bowland” (although he adds that it then got really beautiful).
They never got outright lost, but some stretches were particularly tricky.
“The Witton Weaver’s Way off Darwen Hill, dear God,” sighs Andy.
“That’s just a soggy, boggy trench with trip hazards every ten yards. It didn’t help that we were doing it in sideways rain at 8pm, but still. Horrible.
“But you know how it is, already we’re looking back on it and thinking ‘ah, it wasn’t so bad’. Yes, it was pretty challenging navigationally, but it’s really satisfying when you know you got it right.”
Money might have been secondary to the aim of awareness, but boy have the dads raised plenty of it. At the time of writing, donations via their website are standing at just over £340,000 – but it’s likely to be a lot more at the final count, as many donations have gone direct to Papyrus. Including that famous £10,000 personal donation from James Bond himself, Daniel Craig.
“We didn’t know what was happening, but suddenly our phones were going berserk,” says Andy.
“When we found out, we were astonished. To get support like that from the most famous film star in the world right now; that’s just incredible. And he didn’t need to put his name to it, but he was happy to do that because it has brought more eyes to the website and the message.”
And just this morning (Oct 22) actress Nicole Kidman followed suit with another donation of £10,000, saying: “I saw Mike, Andy and Tim’s story on BBC Breakfast News and was profoundly moved by their extraordinary undertaking – what they were walking for, and why.
“Three completely brilliant dads, doing a completely brilliant thing, to benefit so many. Given the circumstances of the past 18 months and the impact of the pandemic, especially on the young, their work is particularly important right now.
“I would like to dedicate my donation to the memory of Beth, Sophie and Emily.”
Another big donor was Manchester United legend Lou Macari, whose son Jonathan took his own life in 1999. Macari greeted the dads at Old Trafford as they passed through Manchester, and recorded an emotional tribute which you can see on United’s website.
Andy recalls: ”He said to us, ‘I’ll give you £10,001 – I’m not being beaten by James Bond!’”
It’s moments like that which have moved Andy to describe the walk as a kind of pilgrimage.
“There hasn’t been a day when we’ve not met someone who has been kind, friendly and helpful, or someone who has wanted to talk about suicide and mental health,” he explains.
“It’s my hope we will finish it as different people from the ones who started it. And if we’ve helped by talking to people and spreading the message, we will have done some good.
“All I can ever say is: talk.”
To support the dads and donate, visit www.3dadswalking.uk where you can also read the emotional stories of Andy and Sophie, Mike and Beth, and Tim and Emily. If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, or know someone who may be struggling with them, please call HOPELINEUK free on 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org. You can find out more about Papyrus and its work at www.papyrus-uk.org
It took us ages to get up from this! (Photo Tom Bailey)
(Photo Tom Bailey)